Dear Inner Monolog,

I too, hope to find my creative family.

Like you said, the least fun part about creating is creating alone. And I have been feeling quite lonely.

Longed for, are deep, intellectual conversations, looking up into the stars and allowing the mind to open up and connect with the magic of the universe.

I am so antsy for collaboration, friendship and counsel.

Though, I have been advised that those things will come and the best thing I can do is keep moving forward, alone. Move forward in such a way that I don’t have to go searching for anyone; they will come searching for me.

In other words, shine my light as bright as I can, like a beacon. Like a call signal to my spiritual, creative family. Those who are meant to will hear my call and we will be united once again.

And just like you Inner Monolog, I usually find myself trying to go in 5 different directions at one time. There are so many avenues to take, but how do you choose just one thing, when the goal is to have everything come together in one seamless, unique package?

Someone once told me to imagine a table, and all the things I wanted to accomplish in this lifetime. They asked me to choose two things I wanted to focus on first and put them on top of the table. I was to put the remaining goals underneath. Their point was, that I can’t do everything at once, but if I focus my energy on just one or two things, it will eventually unlock the potential and/or create a pathway to get to what’s underneath the table.

Now, although I understood the concept, I haven’t yet embraced it. I still find myself trying to go in all directions, which only ever ends up in my becoming stagnant and seemingly “not knowing what to do.”

The reality of it is, I know exactly what to do and I have everything I need to get it done. The only reason I question it is because of fear. And because I sometimes feel like I lack the necessary resources to get started. This stems from a perfectionist mentality of wanting everything to be “just right.” But in truth, some of the best creations are those that bloomed in the most barren conditions.

All I have to do is choose one thing and run with it. But then I question if I am choosing the right thing. Is it practical? Will it work “in time?”

In time: my family has a completely different deadline for me than I do. I am obviously not your average get a 9-5 kind of gal. I am gradually coming to the realization of my dreams and what I really want out of this life. It’s taken me some time to navigate through myself and come to understand that my dreams are actually not “far-fetched” or unachievable. My dreams are not only dreams, they are business plans, goals and ambitions that I am determined to birth into existence.

I’ve had to accept and let go of becoming frustrated when people cannot see outside of their own box. I was never satisfied with what the world had to offer. I never believed or gave into the status-quo of growing up and becoming a slave to society; a prisoner of my own mind. A slave to the ego; a zombie operating from past experiences etched into the subconscious mind. I refuse to repeat the same experiences over and over again. I refuse to settle for what’s in front of me. I refuse to believe that my dreams are too big for me to achieve. While I appreciate the advice of my elders, as I know it comes from a place of love, I actively choose to stand firm in my own beliefs of what is realistic and achievable.

How can we achieve the unachieved if we don’t change our ways? What in this life is worth living for if I am not striving to realize and achieve my greatest dreams? Why else would I be here?

You spoke about desire–how desire comes with suffering. We may choose to suffer to get to those things which we desire. If I am going to suffer, it is going to be for something worth living for. There is no purpose in suffering without a cause, or suffering for someone else’s cause. Where is the fulfillment in that for me? What does my soul get to eat? And yet, another question: does there have to be suffering at all?

There are many that have gone before me and never came to achieving their dreams. I honor and recognize that, as I seek to redeem them and to bring justice to their cause, their plight and their misfortune.

I am what they worked so hard for. I am the fruit of their labor. I am the realization of all their dreams.

I’ve watched the older generation sell pieces of themselves just to stay alive. I’ve seen them work themselves into sickness. I’ve seen them give up their greatest dreams just to keep the lights on. I’ve seen what following the world’s agenda does to the soul. I look at people and see brokenness. I see hurt and rage. I see how the world has conditioned us to a lifestyle that is conducive to death; death of the soul, body and mind.

Death awaits us at every corner. In every bite of food we take, in the air we breathe, in the water we drink. A lot of us, I realize, are just waiting to die, half-mindedly roaming through life, having half-hearted experiences and connecting with people at the most basic, surface level.

It used to be sad for me to see people like this. It still is sometimes. But more than anything, it motivates me to unlock my greatest potential and bring to life my deepest desires as to inspire and spark inspiration in others, so we can all, gradually and together, break free from the simulation that we now know as Life.

This was a reaction piece to the blog “Inner Monolog.” You can read and subscribe to more content here:

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